My Life as a Slave to The Tristan

damn right

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 18:03:00 +0000

A GODZILLA ROLL!

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 17:15:00 +0000

All hail!

It is I, Godzilla and I have a new sushi roll for you to try! ONE NAMED AFTER ME!

Gorgeous yes? I found this recipe at Sushi Day!

This is a very simple roll, but still interesting due to the flavors of the teriyaki sauce and hot sauce. You can also use hoisin sauce in place of the teriyaki sauce if you don’t have any teriyaki sauce, and it will still taste good!

Only one more week of school left of the winter quarter… and then finals! Bleh. Time seems to be going by so quickly nowadays… I’ll have graduated before you know it! I think it’s partially because I am so busy these days - I have classes to study for, homework to do, sushi to make, posts to write, a website to make for my mom ( ) and Son to take care of! I’m not complaining, because I enjoy it all, but still… it’s a lot to do!

Makes 12 rolls, or 36-48 slices.

Recipe

Ingredients

6 sheets nori
3 cups sumeshi
12 pieces tempura shrimp
teriyaki sauce
hot sauce

Cooking Directions

Cook sushi rice.

Bake tempura shrimp as directed on the package. I used this tempura shrimp, but I’m sure other types, or even homemade tempura shrimp will work just fine. You can also fry the tempura shrimp if you choose, but baking it is healthier, and you can prepare other things (such as the sumeshi) while it’s baking.

Cut tails off the tempura shrimp.

Slice tempura shrimp in half lengthwise.

Roll the sushi inside-out, using 1/2 a sheet of nori instead of a whole sheet, and 2 slices of tempura shrimp (one whole shrimp) as your filling.
Drizzle teriyaki sauce over the roll, and squeeze a stripe of hot sauce along the roll.

Enjoy!

---------------------------------

Thank you sushiday.com for that wonderful idea! I should go make myself a Godzilla Roll right now, but I can't because the Bater has left Perky and I without food again. However there is plenty of Gin.

Burp!

Godzilla

Yes!

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 17:10:00 +0000

All Hail!

Yes I like the idea of hiring monkeys to write the Bater's blog. In fact if you are a monkey reading this colum please send me your resume at godzilla@newrock1073.com

In other news the Bater went to see the Bouncing Souls last night and Bell has some terrible pictures of it on her blog here.

Off to buy bananas,
Godzilla

I can not contain my girlish excitement

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 22:09:00 +0000

All Hail!

It seems as though the rumors are true about my beloved New Kids on the Block getting back together! They have released their first group photo in fifteen years!

My boyfriends are due on the Today show this Friday to hopefully announce a reunion! I Godzilla, International Super Fan will be waiting breathlessly by the television in my acid washed jacket and Blossom hat* swilling the Bater's gin in anticipation!

See you there! Like totally!

Godzilla

*Blossom Hat=

I'm awesome.

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 00:01:00 +0000

It's just like cup says people. I'm a pimp. This has really cheered me up!

Another blow to my ego

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:58:00 +0000

All hail!

So the other day I was shopping at the Goodwill (they have great plus size stuff for us bigger gals) and found one of my old movies for sale at the store.

How should I feel about this? Glad that someone once owned it or sad because they turned it in to be resold? My little green face burned with embarrassment as I left the store (without the stylish mumu I had wanted to purchase, it's chilly in Morro Bay in the mornings!)

To be cast off... this is a sad thing. I feel like a Fall Out Boy record in the used cd bin.

Also haven't seen much of the Bater lately. He needs to come home and infuse the double wide mansion with some cash. Perky is nearly out of smokes.

Time to go hide my shamed face,

Godzilla

this cat is a snob

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 16:06:00 +0000

see more crazy cat pics

Just so you know Legions of the Bater, Godzilla also licks her own tail and would totally drink this stuff.

HA!

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 19:13:00 +0000

see more crazy cat pics

Happy Birthday to the Bater

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:29:00 +0000

All hail!

Today is the Bater's birthday so I decided to throw him a party. I bought:

And some of this:

And then some of this:

Then I invited these girls:

So I think my Bater will have a good night. And I might get out of the house myself. Or get to make out with those girls when he's done with them. Either way, Score for me, Godzilla, International Party Planner.

Cheers!
Godzilla

damn right sobe!

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 22:13:00 +0000

RESPEK THE LIZARD!

this is one of my arts and crafts projects

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 17:13:00 +0000

All Hail!

In rehab, I, Godzilla International Superstar was forced to do arts and crafts. So I made this.

It is a diorama of my favorite Mexican strip bar! However my therepist was not amused and I got my smoking priviledges taken away for a week. How dare they ignore the art of my vision.

Rehab is an outrage!

Godzilla

the return of godzilla

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:43:00 +0000

All Hail,

It is I, Godzilla! I have returned!

You see, Godzilla was recently sent to rehab! And I have many stories to tell about my adventures that got me sent there even though I said no no no.

But being an international jet setting rehabbed starlet has me very tired today so I will have to get back to you tomorrow about all of my jaunts around the world.

Ciao Bellas!
Godzilla

NOT FUNNY

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 19:11:00 +0000

All Hail!

One of our readers just sent me these photos of an action figure of me they found somewhere.

As you can tell this isn't something I authorized and honestly it causes me much pain and embarrassement.

You see I, Godzilla had a tail infection once. Really some of the bath houses and massage parlors you get invited to as a young superstar aren't the cleanest places in the world and when you add in the sake I was drinking (and dropping the empty bottles all over the ground) you get a bumbling drunk Nuclear Lizard in a dirty bathhouse with a broken sake bottle stuck in my tail.

I went to the doctor and they put one of these on me.

Brutal I know, but I couldn't stop chewing on my poor infected tail. I tried to stay out of the public eye while I was wearing this thing but apparently some paparazzi got a picture of me when I went down to the store for more sake to wash down the painkillers and some smokes. And apparently some toy company bought the photos and made a toy out of my darkest hour.

Being famous stinks.

This is probably something my former idiot agent signed off on before I ate him. I mean the guy was obviously ready to sell me off for any dollar ammount. He tried to even get my face on toilet paper! He was like "Hey it worked for your bff Hello Kitty" but I told him to shove it. This ugly little action figure must be his revenge.

Even from beyond the grave (and digestion system) this man plauges me.

Okay off to wash The Tristan's socks.
Godzilla

The Original Aqua Teen Hunger Force

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 15:06:00 +0000

All hail meat sacks!

It is I, Godzilla! I have uncovered a dirty secret of your American peoples!

Behold your Aqua Teen Hunger Force:

Now pay attention! These characters must have been based on my girlhood crush, THE MC DONALDS HAPPY MEAL GUYS!:

See these Aqua Teen guys aren't geniuses! I say they should be strung up from the highest tree! In fact the entire Adult Swim animation department should be lit on fire! And not just because I've been begging to be a guest on Space Ghost Coast to Coast for year and have never had an invitation extended to me!

Down with Adult Swim!
Godzilla

but wait i can explain

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 00:31:00 +0000

So last night The Bater was of course out on the town again and left Perky and I to our own devices. Which is probably how I ended up naked and loaded in the yard holding pinwheel while Perky took pictures of me.

It was her fault we got drunk in the first place. She snuck into the cabinet and got into The Bater's personal martini glass collection. Only The Bater has a glass big enough for me to drink out of!

Glitter Graphics

After drinking nearly all the gin and crank calling all the neighbors, Perky shoved me out into the yard with a pinwheel and a remix of I WILL SURVIVE. Needless to say the photo of me holding the pinwheel isn't the most embarrassing, but she promises not to post the rest of them if I don't tell The Bater who popped in his sock drawer.... Whoops.

Time to nuke the camera,
Godzilla

My one Valentine's Day card

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 22:25:00 +0000

All Hail!

I got a Valentine's Day card today from one of our readers. Strangely enough his name was Bristan. He says he has been an admirer of mine for some time and thinks that I may have been kidnapped by his evil twin who he was seperated from at birth to save his life. Some day I hope to meet this dashing Bristan and run away with him!

Bristan! I love you! Happy Valentines Day!
Godzilla

be my valentine

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:10:00 +0000

All Hail Legions of the Bater!

It is I, Godzilla and I have a confession....

I am a lonely lizard. Godzillas need love too and I have none. Even the above photo is a fake. No one has hugged this lizard in a long time. At least not anyone I haven't paid to uhhh... nevermind.

If you would like to be my valentine, please to be emailing me right away at godzilla@newrock1073.com

(or if you like the internet you can be my myspace friend! http://myspace.com/godzillaofmorrobay or be new rock's friend too www.myspace.com/newrock )

I will even take e-cards instead of candy. Anything to show this poor lonely lizard love...

*weep*
Godzilla

What is wrong with you people?

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 19:00:00 +0000

All Hail Legions of the Bater,

You people seem to be as screwed up as the Big Guy. The Tristan said to me today, "HEY GODZILLA, CHECK AND SEE HOW PEOPLE ARE FINDING MY BLOG." (I hesitate of course to point out that THIS IS MY BLOG! He's never written a word on it.) So I went to search how some of you got here and you have serious problems!

Some of the most popular searches to get here include:

tristan moved away
tristan hate pregnant
a slave to a monster
jewish comic book
cloverfield monster chicken dance
pig slave blog
slave teresa
slave drink urine
my life is stupid
bater
dancing with godzilla
godzilla punk
the definitions of moods on myspace
annoying tristan
books on the life of a slave

You people have PROBLEMS. And if you think I am going to drink urine FORGET IT. This is as close as I'll get!

Make custom Glitter Graphics

Gross! No wonder The Tristan likes you guys so much.

Hiding now!

Godzilla

The Big one has some 'splaining to do

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 20:12:00 +0000

All hail, Legions of the Bater!

If this girl is any of you, please come back to the Bater's double wide mansion. Not only did you leave feathers all over the house, I am pretty sure that even though the Bater has an amazing appetite for booze and the like, I'm pretty sure you drank your fair share of my sake. Not cool.

I, Godzilla, International Super Duper Star does not have to clean up after filthy Mardi Gras harlots! I will not tolerate this abuse! There are BEADS EVERY WHERE. The vaccum cleaner is wrecked thanks to your inconsiderate ass. And if I don't get these Hurricane stains out of the shag carpet before the Bater comes home from Mass today I am so busted.

So yes, Dear Readers, if you are this Fan Girl or you know her, please point her in my direction. Either get your skanky ass back here and help me clean up or FACE MY WRATH!

Please,
Godzilla

happy mardi gras!

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 00:04:00 +0000

Create cool Profile Comments

I'm ready to party!

Personalized Glitter Graphics

I HAVE FIRE BREATH

I busted Perky

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 19:20:00 +0000

Perky apparently is a raver and likes to dress up and dance to terrible techno music.

HOW FIERCE!

SQUEEEEEE!

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 18:46:00 +0000

All Hail Legions of the Bater!

Yesterday I got some amazing news from the interwebz. It seems my boyband crushes of my youth are getting back together! There are rumblings of a New Kids on the Block reuinion!

SQUEEEEE!

You see when I was a young starlet in Japan I wanted nothing more to meet these boys!

My manager tried to set it up because let's face it, young musicians LOVE actresses, especially ones that are of my level of fame! But it never came to be because Danny, the Ugly One was allergic to Nuclear Lizards! Can you imagine? Who has such an allergy? We're quite dander-free! I think he was just scared, but he didn't have anything to worry about, I didn't have my eyes set on him!

I had his doll, but I ate it after they refused to meet me.!

My friends tried to console me with other NKOTB related goodies.

The Christmas album brought me no joy! I am Jewish after all.

And this comic book? Not funny!
The sleeping bag was perhaps the cruelest trick of all. I could sleep next to my crushes but I could not meet them, no matter how famous I was. Life can be cruel for a giant nuclear lizard.

I am hoping this time to meet them by exploiting my down on my luck hard times story of how I came to live with The Tristan. I mean they have to feel SORRY for me now, I'm a slave! Hanging out with me would be like charity. And maybe if I'm lucky Donnie, The BAD one will adopt me!

Swoon,

Godzilla

This website is bogus!

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 20:00:00 +0000

All Hail Readers!

As I, Godzilla International Supermodel and ex Ninja Assasin am also Godzilla, Queen of the Internets, I like to be up on all the latest memes out there. I am hip with the tubez as they are my only contact with the outside world except The Tristan and television. So when someone sent me this link http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/ I had to go at once to find out how many five year olds I could take in a fight.

You might see my results there at 25. This idiotic website didn't have anything to check to show that I have nuclear fire breath though or that I'm about 30 feet tall. Or THAT I'M A GIANT MONSTER WHO WRECKS THINGS! Clearly this website was designed for stupid humans and I find it offensive. I'd sue for discrimination against nuclear lizards but frankly The Bater has taken my phone priviledges away again and I can't call my lawyer. I actually can't afford a lawyer either since I'm a house slave with no money.

Either way this website is a crock. Go take the test and tell me how many five year olds you can take in a fight! I bet I still could take more!

godzilla hate perky

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:49:00 +0000

All Hail!

You see this cat? This is what I, Godzilla, International... awww I just don't care! This is what I look like today only less furry. Perky got me into trouble by feeding me visine so I got sick. And The Bater doesn't allow me to be sick because he has needs or something I could care less about.

The Bater hardly feeds us any more. He never brings home fresh booze and the house is without heat because he's mean and cheap! Perky manages to run down to the liquor store and trade her duck favors for gin for us. But it's always the cheap stuff. (What do you expect with that filthy harlot?)

I'd go on strike again or run away but frankly The Tristan wouldn't even care right now. He's neglecting his slaves. I'd report him but really, is there a National Slave Protection Society now? No!

Godzilla is depressed. I'm wet and cold because I have to sleep outside again until the Bater thinks I can come in. Even my nuclear fire breath is failing me.

Anyone want to adopt a depressed giant nuclear lizard?
Godzilla

godzilla is under the weather today

noreply@blogger.com (Godzilla!) — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 00:29:00 +0000

Yo, Perky here.

Godzilla doesn't feel like blogging today. It could be because I challenged her to a gin drinking contest last night while the Big Guy was out drinkin'. Only I gave Godzilla gallon jugs of viseine to drink.

Hell yeah, she puked. And some other... expellents.

Anyway she'll be back tomorrow if she can drag her scaley ass out of the bathroom!

Peace out,
Perky