NOT FUNNY

All Hail!

One of our readers just sent me these photos of an action figure of me they found somewhere.





As you can tell this isn't something I authorized and honestly it causes me much pain and embarrassement.

You see I, Godzilla had a tail infection once. Really some of the bath houses and massage parlors you get invited to as a young superstar aren't the cleanest places in the world and when you add in the sake I was drinking (and dropping the empty bottles all over the ground) you get a bumbling drunk Nuclear Lizard in a dirty bathhouse with a broken sake bottle stuck in my tail.

I went to the doctor and they put one of these on me.



Brutal I know, but I couldn't stop chewing on my poor infected tail. I tried to stay out of the public eye while I was wearing this thing but apparently some paparazzi got a picture of me when I went down to the store for more sake to wash down the painkillers and some smokes. And apparently some toy company bought the photos and made a toy out of my darkest hour.

Being famous stinks.

This is probably something my former idiot agent signed off on before I ate him. I mean the guy was obviously ready to sell me off for any dollar ammount. He tried to even get my face on toilet paper! He was like "Hey it worked for your bff Hello Kitty" but I told him to shove it. This ugly little action figure must be his revenge.

Even from beyond the grave (and digestion system) this man plauges me.

Okay off to wash The Tristan's socks.
Godzilla